i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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