She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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