The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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