i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
