If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
