This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
