Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Randomize
