I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
