I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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