Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
