yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
