Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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