we have pet lesbian snakes
and she was petting her beer can
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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