I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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