I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
