I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
