hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
