i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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