I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
