i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
