I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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