you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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