I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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