Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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