I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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