Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
