3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
