we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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