Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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