i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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