remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You smell like stripper and shame
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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