Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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