I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
