He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
