Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
