I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Jerry, you need to find god
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
