omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
