I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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