We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
