did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
