i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
