butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
