Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
