i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
