Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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