Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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