Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
