just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My vagina just clenched in fear
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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