I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You don't make any sense
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