I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
